The Danger of a Single Narrative
Have you ever had the experience of a single theme or idea bubbling up in seemingly unrelated parts of your life, creating the most lovely emotional resonance? I have. I did recently, as a matter of fact. And since that’s how I roll, I’m going to tell you about it.
First things first. Have you seen Chimamanda Adichie’s TED Talk on the danger of a single story? It is one of my favorite TEDs of all time. It’s also my go-to reference when talking about the importance of diversity in literature, work, life, or generally being a decent human. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. Seriously. I’d rather you did that read the rest of this blog. It’s way better. Here, I’ll help.
So, given the recent dumpster fire at the national level of RWA and some issues of racial bias on the campus where I work, these themes have been at the forefront of my mind. In how and what I write. In whose voices get amplified and whose don’t. In the role I play in all that.
It’s all very interesting and overlapping and compelling and good. And then I went to therapy.
I won’t bore you with the specifics of my emotional baggage, but suffice it to say I was fretting over the idea that the ways I go about relationships (hint: the phrase “port in a storm” has come up more than once) might in fact undermine sexual spark/energy. I explained this concern to my therapist. He nodded intently, as he does. He validated why I might have arrived at that narrative. And then he pointed out there are several dozen other narratives that could also explain the situation(s).
Now, the idea of “the stories we tell ourselves” isn’t new to me. I’m a Brene Brown girl from way back. But his particular phrasing–the tendency to fixate on one singe narrative–hit me like a lightning bolt.
And something I’d believed intellectually, but held at arm’s length emotionally, finally clicked.
I’m not saying I’ve vanquished my penchant for constructing a narrative in which my doing something wrong explains everything. But connecting that propensity to how toxic a single narrative is, in all the ways Chimamanda describes, is pretty damn powerful.
I hope, if you get stuck in those unhealthy narratives sometimes, maybe this connection helps. I know putting it into words, putting it out into the universe, helps me. As always, thanks for reading. And seriously, watch her talk.
