On Being Charlotte: Recurring Fears and Pep Talks
It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m curled up with Oliver and a glass of red, watching Pride and Prejudice. By all accounts, it’s a cozy and lovely way to spend the evening, especially as an introvert who isn’t entirely ready to go back to peopling in a couple of days.
But Charlotte just invoked Lizzy not to judge her over her choice to marry Mr. Collins and I’m reminded of questions that plague me more often than I care to admit. What if I want too much? What if I’m supposed to settle? What if, for all my love and affection and affinity for Elizabeth, I’m destined to be Charlotte?
These questions set off a whole series of feelings, rationalizations, and stern lectures. I’m mostly good at shaking myself out of it. I remind myself Charlotte wasn’t a romantic after all. I quote that brilliant advice from The Holiday about being the leading lady of my own life.
I’ll do that tomorrow. Promise. Tonight, though. Tonight I’m going to think back on this crazy year of singledom. The highs and lows. The adventures, mishaps, and lessons. And maybe, just a little, I’m going to pine.
Don’t worry, I don’t need a pep talk. I’m remarkably good at pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I just thought I’d share. Because one of the things I’ve learned in my bloggy musings is that, if I’m prone to fretting over something, I’m not the only one. So if you are, you’re not alone.
If what you crave is a home of your own and the occasional invite to dine up at Rosings, own it and don’t let anyone judge your choices. And if you want love and challenge and respect and passion, don’t be afraid to own that either. With or without half of Darbyshire. And don’t ever doubt for a second that you deserve anything less.
