Release Day Blues
Roux for Two came out this week—yay! But also…sigh?
Don’t get me wrong, the release of a book is something to celebrate, whether it’s your first or fifth or fiftieth. It’s the culmination is so much work and, in all likelihood, at least a couple of the blood/sweat/tears trifecta. It’s the moment when a project that has meant so much to you gets to go out and mean something to other people. In other words, all the woos and all the hoos.
But, invariably, mixed in with my woohoo toasts and posts, a trace of existential dread sneaks in.
What if no one buys it? The early reviews haven’t been unilaterally glowing, so what if the positive reviews are just being nice and everyone actually hates it? Why didn’t I edit/add/delete that thing? Or that other thing? What am I even doing?
And since I’m a glutton for punishment, I also slightly hate myself for sloshing around in all that when I should be happy. Festive. Oh, and doing all the marketing and promotion.
I happened to have therapy on this particular release day and lamented this sad state of affairs. My wonderfully insightful therapist asked me, as he always does, ever so gently, “Isn’t it kind of a big deal moment of vulnerability to put your work out in the world?”
Um, yes. Yes it is.
I’m pretty good at remembering that fact while writing, while sitting on panels about dealing with critical (and sometimes flat-out mean) reviews. Apparently, I was so busy scolding myself for not woohooing enough on release day that I forgot.
Creating is magical and feeds the soul. Deciding to put it out there invites the slings and arrows of a world that isn’t always kind. Release day is the tipping point between the two. It’s okay to feel all the feels and fret a little, even in the midst of celebration. But don’t let either take up too much space. Tomorrow is another day and there’s more creating to do.
This is my note to self to remember. I thought I’d share it in case you needed one, too.
